Un-following a Leader

Deadly Division. Ten years ago, I never would have imagined that I would struggle with a fear of leadership. Oh I’m not talking about being afraid to take charge or bring a group together...nope. I’m talking about the pastor who gets to say whatever he wants to on Sunday morning, those guys (or gals) who are on the deacon board making decisions, those people in the church that carry enough weight that they don’t even have to be on the board to have things go their way. Now let me be clear, I’m not into indulging in rebellion just because someone has a little authority. I’m well aware that the ship just wouldn’t sail without it’s captain and crew. But as history dictates, there have been churches taken over and commandeered by much worse than pirates – spinning it into chaos.

 Only a few years ago, in the small church that I attend, Satan came with such a big attack that it left any security in designated authority and my “go-to-church-and-participate” stability in pieces – A THOUSAND tiny pieces. This hardship in the community of believers that I knew and loved – this family – underwent a time of disunity, arguments, malicious words, secretive strategies, accusations, rebuttals, ugly meetings, crooked leadership, corrupted membership…hurt. Many talking to each other with scandal and many talking to God in prayer, but few listening for His answer.  Many speaking out too loud in anger with only a few saying a wise word, and many sitting too quietly when it was time to speak.  Tears fill my eyes when I look back at the inner torment we all must have been going through. We were all trying to be children of God and live righteously but instead we saw His naive little flock turn into bickering scamps. Instead of witnessing to the community, the community was witnessing a shameful devastation in a group of so-called believers.

            I put myself in the thick of this mess. I took everything personally and convinced myself that it was righteous anger that was driving me. I was the member sitting in the pew at the meeting taking notes; not to keep minutes or to make helpful reminders to later jog my memory, but to load my guns. I wanted to make an investment in ammunition for a whopping rifle that I could whip out at the next meeting. I wanted to collect and tell enough dirt on the leading members that I was battling that the congregation would look on them with scowls and pointing fingers and tell them to get out. I would read scripture at home, not to hear what God would say to me, but to find some kind of biblical backing for the arguments I wanted to make.

            Long months of this pushed out our pastor, wore on our church, cracked the foundation of our family, and sent me home from every member meeting or even Sunday morning service with bitterness and resentment. Making amends was difficult and the sometimes that water under the bridge feels like it sits under me still as an ice jam at the end of Winter. I wish I could say that everyone patched up their mistakes and settled all of their differences, but the story didn’t go completely that way for everybody. There have been bits of Spring with times of confession and forgiveness and healing taking place, but like a gash sustained in battle, it leaves a scar.

Afraid to Follow a Leader. The scar left on my heart from the emotional and spiritual turmoil is apparent. I pray that as I study and write this portion, that God will continue to work on me like a good quality vitamin E!

Leadership (noun) : a position as a leader of a group, organization…etc : the time when a person holds the position of leader : the power or ability to lead other people

Leadership Synonyms: guidance, direction, control, management, influence, guide, teach, instruct

            After the hurt and the hardships I now had on my belt of experience, I realized that my perception, respect for, and my acceptance of leadership was tarnished. Whether I encountered an elderly deacon or just one of the ladies rounding up a group for coffee, my observation was keen and my scepticism was imminent.  Our churches are full of all sorts of leaders. There are leaders on the board of elders and deacons, leadership from our pastors, Sunday school superintendants and teachers, leadership guiding the melody of praises we sing and leadership in our Bible study groups. It would be tempting for me to pat away on the keys of my lap top, pouring out my view of church leadership and where I may stand, but that is a rabbit trail distracting me from the focus on what I need to get straight today. What I (and I’m sure many others) need to deal with today is a fear of leaders and of following a leader. God created us as beings able to lead but also in need of leadership. It is an essential piece of our church, just as it is an essential piece of our lives in our friendships, our jobs, our country, our recreation...etc. Fears can develop from a variety of different sources for different people, and I’m sure everyone’s story is different, but this fear remains common in today’s body of Christ.

What should we do with the imperfect leadership we have?

A Strong-Sighted Follower.  When Jesus was on the earth and with his disciples, those pesky Pharisees came to Him to challenge him with a trap about the law many times. There was an instance described in the first gospel where they came at him again and Jesus’ disciples were starting to fret about His reply.

Matthew 15:12-14 Then the disciples came and said to him, “Do you know that the Pharisees were offended when they heard this saying?” He answered, “Every plant my heavenly Father has not planted will be rooted up. Let them alone; they are blind guides. And if the blind lead the blind, both fall into a pit” - ESV

As Jesus presented it in the picture above, it is evident that poor leadership over gullible people is a disastrous combination. I’m certainly not going to try to encourage the office of an inadequate leader to be praised or left to lead anyone astray…but I couldn’t help but wonder what the result would be if we were to see a picture of the blind leading the strong-sighted. Wouldn’t the blind one go into the pit, leaving the one with good eye sight on the road? Better yet, if a blind man was trying to lead someone with good eye sight and was heading for the ditch, if the seeing man CARED enough for the blind man, he could even steer him away from the ditch and back onto the road!

The Bible tells us about plenty of different leaders in a lot of different situations. God doesn’t want us to pick up our Bibles, open up to the gospels, look at only Christ’s perfection and close the book. No. Documented in scripture, on top of the perfect example of Jesus Christ, are many illustrations of imperfect ordinary men and women, for better or for worse, put in a position of leadership. As I think of a few, I want to shake my head and wrinkle my nose...or maybe laugh...or maybe both. We all thought King Saul was looking pretty great in the beginning, but boy did he turn out to be a lemon. David was this great king that did so much in the name of the Lord and was a man with such a deep personal relationship with God, yet he made some gigantic mistakes. Look at Jonah! If the story would have ended right after he hopped onto the boat with his ticket to Tarshish in hand, we would have said “Whew! Good! It’s better that he went away so God could pick someone else to do the job, cause that guys is just plain WEEK.” The story didn’t end there though, did it? Jonah snapped out of it! He went back and was used so so mightily! If we’re looking for the perfect leader, we’ll be on an unending and disappointing hunt, because, aside from God and our Lord Jesus Christ, there are none. 

John 10:27 My sheep hear my voice, and I know them, and they follow me. – ESV

The idea Jesus gave of having “blind leaders” in our midst drives one to be defensive and critical of the people around us in any sort of authority, but I want to focus again on the possibility of being the “strong-sighted” follower. Jesus, himself, says that we hear Him, know Him, and follow Him. There is a definite need for our reliance to be on Christ as our leader because, as mentioned, he is the only perfect one. I want to be the one to stay on the road. SO...in preparation for those pulling me by the hand without 20/20 vision, I propose that we’d better get our eyes checked and our eyes fixed on the almighty optometrist so we can avoid that ditch!

Saddle Up.  Years ago, I had many opportunities to go trail riding with country friends. A day on the trail meant a day on my beautiful bay horse, Jericho. He was a horse clad in a leather bridle the colour of honey and a saddle that carried homemade denim saddle bags. My outfit was a pair of Wrangler jeans from the thrift store, a long sleeve button-up shirt, Roper boots and my brown outback hat. It was a wonderful time of chatting with fellow riders and enjoying the beauty of the nature around us.

My reflecting on those trail rides isn’t just serving the purpose of recalling good memories or promoting recreational activity...there’s a system there that relates to my point...and here we go...

 You see, when you’re on the trail, there’s always a lead horse. This horse goes before the rest, riding from point A to point B. The rider on that horse is usually experienced, probably part of the planning and organizing for our day on the trail, and familiar with the area. If there are any needs or questions while on the trail, they usually go to him. When you have an experienced horse under you, you’ll find that he will stay in his line very nicely. Mostly the horses stay single file, and (on occasion) doubled-up side by side if the trail is wide enough. Those horses know how to follow the leader. Now, sometimes you may have a horse veer off of the trail because of inexperience (he just didn’t know that the idea was to follow his buddy in front of him), or mischief (he’s just that horse that’s always GOT to be different than everyone), or competition (he’s determined to pass others and attempts to get ahead at every opportunity), or fear (maybe he just got a little spooked at something in the bush or he’s followed ornery horses and been kicked in the chest before and now he’s scared of getting too close).

The parallel that I like between this picture and that of leadership in the circles of our churches, is that we too, are designed to follow Christ – the head rider. That puts us in a position of leading those who are behind us and following those riding in front. I love that! It’s not always simply God leading us directly, it can also be him using others in between to show us the direction to go....but without seeing where God is leading, we cannot determine whether our leaders are on the trail or not. If the horse in front of us goes off course – perhaps because if inexperience, mischief, competition fear or otherwise – it is our awareness and our knowledge and our reaction that will determine if we will stay on the trail or follow the horse in front of us off course. Those who hear Christ and know His voice will follow his lead, no matter what is going on in front of them.

Usually there’s a big welcome for one and all to join a trail ride. You’ll see everyone from the veteran cowboy to the first-timer child and everyone else in between. If we paint a scenario of a horse and rider going off and out of line in front of a wee pony with a little new rider upon his back, we may see the pony follow the horse in front into the bush and perhaps pick up speed in an aimless direction, compelling the child to squeal and scream and pray for that horse to STOP AND LET HIM OFF! But, see the scene, instead, with the old cowboy riding his trusty steed behind the horse that went off track, and you’ll see him quickly move his hands into position to manoeuvre his steed back in line before the horse’s nose hardly has a chance to get a stride out of procession.

It’s a matter of focus – stay close to our Lord Jesus! Don’t be a child who allows himself to wander or get out of control. Be the wise one! Know where you’re headed and what you’re doing! I just have to recall those words again:

“...Let them alone; they are blind guides. And if the blind lead the blind, both fall into a pit”

Leaders in front of you seem like their veering off? Let them alone! Maybe they’ll wander far off of the way. Take comfort! - Only those who do not continue to hear, know and follow, Christ will be lead astray by them. I want to be counted among “church-goers” that ARE on the path. I want to be counted among the sheep who DO know my shepherd. I want to embrace the place God has set for me in among my family riding ON the trail.

The closeness I have with my Saviour will omit my fear of being led astray.

Mommy 139

...a clip from my Becoming Mom blog:

Church Cliques Rule: time for change

Clique: (klēk,klik )

n.      a small group of people, with shared interests or other features in common, who spend time together and do not readily allow others to join them.

                I feel like the definition above needs the word “Church” before it. How ever much we preach evangelism and are all happy when someone new starts coming to church, their experience is almost always somewhat different than we assume. No matter how big our Bible study grows or how great the worship team sounds, there are lonely people among us.

Benjamin L Corey from pathos.com writes: “ issues that led me to walk away from church as twenty-year-old, and still tempt me to walk out again some days– even though I’m not 20 anymore...When people can’t find community, can’t plug-in or access meaningful relationships, they split in hopes they’ll find it somewhere else...Social climbing is simply how I would describe the phenomena where people have to acquire a certain amount of “social credit” with the people of influence before they can serve and be included. As a result, the popular folks at church amass followers, and power. Such a system requires you to play the “game” with people of influence if you want to be a fully included member of the group (leading to the formation of cliques).”

This is such a huge issue in the church today that needs to be broken. I don’t mean just bent in half, I mean smashed to pieces with lit fuel on top and an incinerator to put any left-over shards into!

For someone like myself, it’s easy to fall into this trap. I’ve always been a likable person and being a pastor’s daughter has always backed me with an instant upstanding (or at least educated) reputation in the church. Even after life finds me in a church with someone else as pastor, I have to admit to using that P.K. (Pastor’s Kid) “card” to my advantage when I feel like I need more weight to a word or deed. I’m constantly finding myself torn by putting myself into the social circus of church and then wanting to pull away because I’m starting to see the “circus” for what it is, a platform for pride a drama. It’s too easy to create a circle to chat in and forget about someone standing in the corner. And I’m not trying to kid myself into thinking these “platforms” are just built in churches, humans thrive on them in schools, workplaces and other groups – it seems second nature to us...sin nature.

Keeping within the biblical realm, we have to look at the example of the Pharisee: They were very religious, committed, and knowledgeable. These guys were no small group and no lights under a bushel (and I’m sure some of them were lights – setting a good example for those around them...but with much popularity comes power...and with power, much selfishness). They gained respect for looking humble...but of course there were many who were only displaying humility and commitment in order to be noticed and followed, thus omitting the whole purpose of humility. These guys are the PRIME example of what NOT TO BECOME for us avid church-goers! Is it not so obvious for us to keep reminding ourselves to be careful not to use our church status? It’s wonderful to be dedicated to teaching that Sunday School class, singing on the worship team and always being reliable for putting on that hot pot of coffee before service. It’s admirable to know your Bible inside and out and to be able to put together words in a beautiful, clear way to make a point during discussion.

Now you are the body of Christ, and each one of you is a part of it. And God has placed in the church first of all apostles, second prophets, third teachers, then miracles, then gifts of healing, of helping, of guidance, and of different kinds of tongues. – 1 Cor 12: 27&28

These are good things! We are not supposed to be so humble and modest that we put our gifts on a shelf to let them rot while we are satisfied that no one can accuse us of being prideful or showy. Using the gifts God has given us is part of our duty as part of the body of Christ and is commanded of us by God. It all boils down to a matter of keeping pride & motives in check.

A second biblical example that we can parallel is looking at the lessons that the disciples had to learn while they were around Jesus. Here was a group of guys who were doing good, learning, working hard and trying to live rightly...it would have been wonderful to spend their years with Christ in learning and hanging out and reveling in godliness on their own, but Jesus kept hanging out with outsiders! How easy it would have been to point out the flaws of the tax collectors and prostitutes, never mind the spiritual danger of being around them. What about their reputations? What about their valuable time? The following verse is so easy to read...but when I think about applying it, it scares me to death!

Do nothing from rivalry or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves – Phil 2:3

These words seem to have a ball of “sacrifice” and chain of “work” dragging behind it...but how beautiful would it be to master this mentality?

How does one be involved in the church >> making sure their involvement ISN’T creating an impenetrable group?

I see two groups forming in the church: the active (and unfortunately often the exclusive) & the inactive (or the outsiders) First of all, this is not a “What came first, the chicken or the egg?” scenario. It’s perfectly clear that in order for someone to find a place to fit and, in turn, use their gifts in the body of Christ, the Chicken has their duty first. Chicken(s) need to know that if they don’t start seeing eggs in the hen-house, quality life will only be short-term. Chicken(s) need to be responsible for making sure the eggs have a nest to stay secure and warm. Chicken(s) need to create opportunities for eggs to hatch and grow into nurturing chickens themselves. Too much poultry? If we were obeying God’s Word, we would be seeing nobody on the outside. Not all gifts are used publically, but church was not meant to have loneliness be a part of it. It is all about togetherness.

A few years back there was a new family that started to attend my church. I was 19. I saw a mother who would come to service wearing a shirt with one shoulder strap and a low back. I saw two children who would run in the halls and raise too much noise right before a service. I saw a father who didn’t have ambition for a job. I saw a couple of smokers and a family clad in thrift store specials. My parents (pastor and wife) invested many hours in this family. They had them over for meals often, visiting their home, drove them to church, bought them groceries, drove them to and from city appointments two hours away and dropped their plans to be there when crisis struck. One day my Dad sat talking with me and shared how he was so disappointed in the people of the church. Nobody had bothered to invest in this family. No other invites for meals and individuals expressed their hesitancy to help the family with their needs when the parents were smokers. I listened to my Dad describe the selfishness he saw in the congregation and at the same time he was describing me. After our conversation, I could see a mother who was wearing her best to try and fit in, children who enjoyed learning in Sunday School and playing with other kids, a father who had no vehicle and no opportunities for work outside of shoveling sidewalks nearby. After a while, the family slowly attended services less and less. When my parents moved they never came back.

It’s not just about old teaching the young or mature teaching immature - it’s about the family who came last week for the first time, the neighbour’s kids that need a ride, the divorced woman sitting alone in the pew in front of you. It’s not about having a following. A person has to be so careful not to be motivated by selfish ambition. Every move we make needs to be made in Christ. We need to be every prayerful about all we do, want to do, don’t want to do – big or small.

Investment/Overinvestment would be a long topic for another day...what is on my heart is creating opportunities to include others: Chat with that other mom after Bible study before she heads out the door. When there are a few standing in a tight circle, purposefully opening your corner when you notice someone standing aimlessly in your peripheral. This is not just for those who are newly in our community, I think we would be SHOCKED if we actually bothered to look around and see the people who feel like an outsider that have been part of our church for YEARS. Is there a teenager who loves children? Maybe there’s an opportunity for her to co-teach with a class. Is there a middle-aged lady with no obvious connection with those around her? Maybe a girls movie night (or afternoon) in your home is in order! Think about another couple you could invite over when “the gang” comes over.

I so desire to see the ruling walls of cliques crumble in our churches. We’d love others in the world so much better if only we could work on loving each other. I want those walls torn down in our homes, barbeques and coffee times. I pray that we would see the church thrive on the design of community and openness with each other – bonded with love and unity. This generation needs to get rid of loneliness. This generation needs Christ. Let church be a place to find both.