Church Cliques Rule: time for change

Clique: (klēk,klik )

n.      a small group of people, with shared interests or other features in common, who spend time together and do not readily allow others to join them.

                I feel like the definition above needs the word “Church” before it. How ever much we preach evangelism and are all happy when someone new starts coming to church, their experience is almost always somewhat different than we assume. No matter how big our Bible study grows or how great the worship team sounds, there are lonely people among us.

Benjamin L Corey from pathos.com writes: “ issues that led me to walk away from church as twenty-year-old, and still tempt me to walk out again some days– even though I’m not 20 anymore...When people can’t find community, can’t plug-in or access meaningful relationships, they split in hopes they’ll find it somewhere else...Social climbing is simply how I would describe the phenomena where people have to acquire a certain amount of “social credit” with the people of influence before they can serve and be included. As a result, the popular folks at church amass followers, and power. Such a system requires you to play the “game” with people of influence if you want to be a fully included member of the group (leading to the formation of cliques).”

This is such a huge issue in the church today that needs to be broken. I don’t mean just bent in half, I mean smashed to pieces with lit fuel on top and an incinerator to put any left-over shards into!

For someone like myself, it’s easy to fall into this trap. I’ve always been a likable person and being a pastor’s daughter has always backed me with an instant upstanding (or at least educated) reputation in the church. Even after life finds me in a church with someone else as pastor, I have to admit to using that P.K. (Pastor’s Kid) “card” to my advantage when I feel like I need more weight to a word or deed. I’m constantly finding myself torn by putting myself into the social circus of church and then wanting to pull away because I’m starting to see the “circus” for what it is, a platform for pride a drama. It’s too easy to create a circle to chat in and forget about someone standing in the corner. And I’m not trying to kid myself into thinking these “platforms” are just built in churches, humans thrive on them in schools, workplaces and other groups – it seems second nature to us...sin nature.

Keeping within the biblical realm, we have to look at the example of the Pharisee: They were very religious, committed, and knowledgeable. These guys were no small group and no lights under a bushel (and I’m sure some of them were lights – setting a good example for those around them...but with much popularity comes power...and with power, much selfishness). They gained respect for looking humble...but of course there were many who were only displaying humility and commitment in order to be noticed and followed, thus omitting the whole purpose of humility. These guys are the PRIME example of what NOT TO BECOME for us avid church-goers! Is it not so obvious for us to keep reminding ourselves to be careful not to use our church status? It’s wonderful to be dedicated to teaching that Sunday School class, singing on the worship team and always being reliable for putting on that hot pot of coffee before service. It’s admirable to know your Bible inside and out and to be able to put together words in a beautiful, clear way to make a point during discussion.

Now you are the body of Christ, and each one of you is a part of it. And God has placed in the church first of all apostles, second prophets, third teachers, then miracles, then gifts of healing, of helping, of guidance, and of different kinds of tongues. – 1 Cor 12: 27&28

These are good things! We are not supposed to be so humble and modest that we put our gifts on a shelf to let them rot while we are satisfied that no one can accuse us of being prideful or showy. Using the gifts God has given us is part of our duty as part of the body of Christ and is commanded of us by God. It all boils down to a matter of keeping pride & motives in check.

A second biblical example that we can parallel is looking at the lessons that the disciples had to learn while they were around Jesus. Here was a group of guys who were doing good, learning, working hard and trying to live rightly...it would have been wonderful to spend their years with Christ in learning and hanging out and reveling in godliness on their own, but Jesus kept hanging out with outsiders! How easy it would have been to point out the flaws of the tax collectors and prostitutes, never mind the spiritual danger of being around them. What about their reputations? What about their valuable time? The following verse is so easy to read...but when I think about applying it, it scares me to death!

Do nothing from rivalry or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves – Phil 2:3

These words seem to have a ball of “sacrifice” and chain of “work” dragging behind it...but how beautiful would it be to master this mentality?

How does one be involved in the church >> making sure their involvement ISN’T creating an impenetrable group?

I see two groups forming in the church: the active (and unfortunately often the exclusive) & the inactive (or the outsiders) First of all, this is not a “What came first, the chicken or the egg?” scenario. It’s perfectly clear that in order for someone to find a place to fit and, in turn, use their gifts in the body of Christ, the Chicken has their duty first. Chicken(s) need to know that if they don’t start seeing eggs in the hen-house, quality life will only be short-term. Chicken(s) need to be responsible for making sure the eggs have a nest to stay secure and warm. Chicken(s) need to create opportunities for eggs to hatch and grow into nurturing chickens themselves. Too much poultry? If we were obeying God’s Word, we would be seeing nobody on the outside. Not all gifts are used publically, but church was not meant to have loneliness be a part of it. It is all about togetherness.

A few years back there was a new family that started to attend my church. I was 19. I saw a mother who would come to service wearing a shirt with one shoulder strap and a low back. I saw two children who would run in the halls and raise too much noise right before a service. I saw a father who didn’t have ambition for a job. I saw a couple of smokers and a family clad in thrift store specials. My parents (pastor and wife) invested many hours in this family. They had them over for meals often, visiting their home, drove them to church, bought them groceries, drove them to and from city appointments two hours away and dropped their plans to be there when crisis struck. One day my Dad sat talking with me and shared how he was so disappointed in the people of the church. Nobody had bothered to invest in this family. No other invites for meals and individuals expressed their hesitancy to help the family with their needs when the parents were smokers. I listened to my Dad describe the selfishness he saw in the congregation and at the same time he was describing me. After our conversation, I could see a mother who was wearing her best to try and fit in, children who enjoyed learning in Sunday School and playing with other kids, a father who had no vehicle and no opportunities for work outside of shoveling sidewalks nearby. After a while, the family slowly attended services less and less. When my parents moved they never came back.

It’s not just about old teaching the young or mature teaching immature - it’s about the family who came last week for the first time, the neighbour’s kids that need a ride, the divorced woman sitting alone in the pew in front of you. It’s not about having a following. A person has to be so careful not to be motivated by selfish ambition. Every move we make needs to be made in Christ. We need to be every prayerful about all we do, want to do, don’t want to do – big or small.

Investment/Overinvestment would be a long topic for another day...what is on my heart is creating opportunities to include others: Chat with that other mom after Bible study before she heads out the door. When there are a few standing in a tight circle, purposefully opening your corner when you notice someone standing aimlessly in your peripheral. This is not just for those who are newly in our community, I think we would be SHOCKED if we actually bothered to look around and see the people who feel like an outsider that have been part of our church for YEARS. Is there a teenager who loves children? Maybe there’s an opportunity for her to co-teach with a class. Is there a middle-aged lady with no obvious connection with those around her? Maybe a girls movie night (or afternoon) in your home is in order! Think about another couple you could invite over when “the gang” comes over.

I so desire to see the ruling walls of cliques crumble in our churches. We’d love others in the world so much better if only we could work on loving each other. I want those walls torn down in our homes, barbeques and coffee times. I pray that we would see the church thrive on the design of community and openness with each other – bonded with love and unity. This generation needs to get rid of loneliness. This generation needs Christ. Let church be a place to find both.