My Story

 I don't expect that any reader would agree with all I am going to say. I don't expect to sway critical minds. But...I do believe in story. I believe we all have a story. I believe how we see things is relative to our upbringing and experiences in our individual and very different lives. I also believe in listening to our stories. That's why we have coffee with a friend and put our hand on theirs as they pour their heart out. We don't meet with them to find points to rebuttal or debate with. (Well, maybe some of us do. Lol. But you know what I mean...some conversations are fun to have a dialogue back and forth, but others call us to just be ears and hear. Maybe we'll tell them our story too that day...or maybe we let them have the moment and save our story for next time.)

So today I share my story...or at least a part of it. I type these words coming from what my lense sees & where my experiences have brought me to.

Let's tear the bandaid off first because of all that's going on and say that I'm double jabbed. I'm not vax-injured, nor has any of my family been. I have my vax-pass that I have used in restaurants on occasion & for the most part at the ice rink where my boy plays hockey. My kids are all under 12 and we haven't faced some of the hard decisions others have had to.

I should also follow up all that to say we do other vax-things... like our annual flu shot & the regular jabs on the vax-schedule the kiddos have from public health.

I'd like to now interject with some personal thoughts in regards to the real life people around me: I stand for vax freedom! 

Not ever would I try to convince a mom-friend to vaccinate her children if her mama-bear instict says no.

Not ever would it effect my social decisions if our friends don't jab too. The play date is still on! ;) I might not comment on their latest Facebook post (ironic that I'm going to share this on my Facebook feed, right?🙃), but I will listen to THEIR why face-to-face if they share it with me, and share mine if they invite it...but I will not argue. I have no right to a narrative in their story. (And I'll honestly say that I'm secretly hoping that some anti-vax mom that knows me might read this and go, "Oh! Bonnie's pro-vax but WON'T sneer at me?! Cool."...just FYI)

Not ever would I put extended family under pressure to get this new jab or the annual flu-vax jabs (or any other jabs for that matter!) for our family's sake. I have spoken to grandparents and aunties and tried to make it clear that we would NEVER ask them to do it for us, but that if they do it, it's with their own choice & freewill. I made it clear that there would be no disassociation on our part of they chose to refrain from any vax.

So...back up. Why would family be asking us if they should get one jab or another?

Hello 2015.

In 2015 we welcomed our second beautiful baby boy into the world. To tell you of all the health history would take ages, but the condensed version is:

He has a small trachea (breathing pipe). He's not "immunocompromised", but "structurally compromised". He spent over 250 days in hospital by the time he turned 5, many of those were multiple admissions to the PICU for symptoms caused by the common cold.

We started pulling back from gatherings if someone was sick, handwashing/sanitizing when company came over or when we went out anywhere, masking on occasion in public spaces during cold season *when we deemed it necessary*. It was hard. It was lonely. Those who had never seen our boy with a breathing mask, feeding tube & IV bruises didn't understand our caution. The sniffles for them was weeks of chaos for us. 

Our doctors worked with us to educate us on his condition. Sure, they gave us advise on germ precautions but they also had honest conversations about quality living...sometimes with no clear answers or instructions. We worked and thought and cared together as a team, with decisions essentially being ours. The parents. As it should be.

So hopefully by now you at least can make out a vague image of where I'm coming from. To be honest, if you had talked to me a year ago, I would have told you my emotional health was IMPROVING because we weren't alone in all the germ precautions anymore! The pandemic public measures were helping us "blend in". We didn't have to leave the library because another child was coughing. We didn't see kids at soccer with boogers running down their face. We didn't catch as many colds and got to stay at home and have a "more normal" life than ever. Cool! Thanks everyone! But I now look and see that these "great" 2 years for us (relative to the heavily hospital-admitted years we were used to) were at the expense of other family's worlds crumbling. I knew what it was like to fear more germs. I knew what it was like to miss out on events. I knew what it was like to miss out on being normal. I knew for certain that I wouldn't wish that on anyone else...and now the families around us were being told to do things like us for our sake. The compromised. As kind as that is and as grateful as I am, I cannot help but mourn at the prospect of regular families shifting into our way of life too.

I have listened and heard stories of tragic virus-caused deaths (& witnessed one in a neighboring PICU bed) as well as heard friends talk about their experience with vax-injury flipping their world and THEIR family's health upsidedown. I refuse to set aside their stories. I refuse to dismiss them. I just refuse to bully or look down on one side or another. 

I will support those around me who have a story & respect their decisions as parents who love & care for their children more fiercely than any other being could. I support families putting mental health & wellness back into the priority pile & having the freedom to get back to normal without enforced conditions. I support education on health and pandemic-reducing strategies, but not the mandates of them. I support the decision to stay home when you're ill (like our great-grandmothers used to before we were pharma-dependant). I support the willing workers in our country who want a job with AND without the jab.

So there we go. I'm pro-vax, but pro-freedom more. I'm pro-science and don't believe it all points in one single direction. I'm pro-mama instict. 

The measures I take for my family are my decision. If mask mandate leaves, we'll probably still be the funny looking maskers in the produce aisle during cold season. I'll probably still have a bottle of sanitizer in my purse & I probably will tell my kids not to share their water bottles. We are a health-compromised family, so we have to take some extra steps. I won't be taking precautions because of any mandate; I'll be doing these because I'm a mom making decisions for my family because I know my family best. 

We need freedom for our doctors to be able to educate their patients and have open team-player conversations with them....non-scripted, honest & personal, even differing in opinion from one another. We need the freedom to custom-taylor our actions & decisions to what our individual families need. We need the freedom and the welcome to share our stories.

Thanks for reading mine. <3

-Bonnie

God's Existence

I can't see God
So don't ever try to tell me
You can see evidence of Him everywhere
If you can see with your eyes and use your brain then
If He's out there He doesn't care for me
And people keep THINKING that they realize
God should have the praise even for the everyday things
Please look at the Earth around you spinning and realize
God is nowhere to be found
And I'm weary from hearing people say
God is creator of nature and alive in people
Because situations all around me say
God is distant, at best
And only the ignorant will tell you
He deserves the credit for everything
Because when you stop and think about it
Does God even exist?
(...now read bottom to top)

- by Bonnie Hunt

Un-following a Leader

Deadly Division. Ten years ago, I never would have imagined that I would struggle with a fear of leadership. Oh I’m not talking about being afraid to take charge or bring a group together...nope. I’m talking about the pastor who gets to say whatever he wants to on Sunday morning, those guys (or gals) who are on the deacon board making decisions, those people in the church that carry enough weight that they don’t even have to be on the board to have things go their way. Now let me be clear, I’m not into indulging in rebellion just because someone has a little authority. I’m well aware that the ship just wouldn’t sail without it’s captain and crew. But as history dictates, there have been churches taken over and commandeered by much worse than pirates – spinning it into chaos.

 Only a few years ago, in the small church that I attend, Satan came with such a big attack that it left any security in designated authority and my “go-to-church-and-participate” stability in pieces – A THOUSAND tiny pieces. This hardship in the community of believers that I knew and loved – this family – underwent a time of disunity, arguments, malicious words, secretive strategies, accusations, rebuttals, ugly meetings, crooked leadership, corrupted membership…hurt. Many talking to each other with scandal and many talking to God in prayer, but few listening for His answer.  Many speaking out too loud in anger with only a few saying a wise word, and many sitting too quietly when it was time to speak.  Tears fill my eyes when I look back at the inner torment we all must have been going through. We were all trying to be children of God and live righteously but instead we saw His naive little flock turn into bickering scamps. Instead of witnessing to the community, the community was witnessing a shameful devastation in a group of so-called believers.

            I put myself in the thick of this mess. I took everything personally and convinced myself that it was righteous anger that was driving me. I was the member sitting in the pew at the meeting taking notes; not to keep minutes or to make helpful reminders to later jog my memory, but to load my guns. I wanted to make an investment in ammunition for a whopping rifle that I could whip out at the next meeting. I wanted to collect and tell enough dirt on the leading members that I was battling that the congregation would look on them with scowls and pointing fingers and tell them to get out. I would read scripture at home, not to hear what God would say to me, but to find some kind of biblical backing for the arguments I wanted to make.

            Long months of this pushed out our pastor, wore on our church, cracked the foundation of our family, and sent me home from every member meeting or even Sunday morning service with bitterness and resentment. Making amends was difficult and the sometimes that water under the bridge feels like it sits under me still as an ice jam at the end of Winter. I wish I could say that everyone patched up their mistakes and settled all of their differences, but the story didn’t go completely that way for everybody. There have been bits of Spring with times of confession and forgiveness and healing taking place, but like a gash sustained in battle, it leaves a scar.

Afraid to Follow a Leader. The scar left on my heart from the emotional and spiritual turmoil is apparent. I pray that as I study and write this portion, that God will continue to work on me like a good quality vitamin E!

Leadership (noun) : a position as a leader of a group, organization…etc : the time when a person holds the position of leader : the power or ability to lead other people

Leadership Synonyms: guidance, direction, control, management, influence, guide, teach, instruct

            After the hurt and the hardships I now had on my belt of experience, I realized that my perception, respect for, and my acceptance of leadership was tarnished. Whether I encountered an elderly deacon or just one of the ladies rounding up a group for coffee, my observation was keen and my scepticism was imminent.  Our churches are full of all sorts of leaders. There are leaders on the board of elders and deacons, leadership from our pastors, Sunday school superintendants and teachers, leadership guiding the melody of praises we sing and leadership in our Bible study groups. It would be tempting for me to pat away on the keys of my lap top, pouring out my view of church leadership and where I may stand, but that is a rabbit trail distracting me from the focus on what I need to get straight today. What I (and I’m sure many others) need to deal with today is a fear of leaders and of following a leader. God created us as beings able to lead but also in need of leadership. It is an essential piece of our church, just as it is an essential piece of our lives in our friendships, our jobs, our country, our recreation...etc. Fears can develop from a variety of different sources for different people, and I’m sure everyone’s story is different, but this fear remains common in today’s body of Christ.

What should we do with the imperfect leadership we have?

A Strong-Sighted Follower.  When Jesus was on the earth and with his disciples, those pesky Pharisees came to Him to challenge him with a trap about the law many times. There was an instance described in the first gospel where they came at him again and Jesus’ disciples were starting to fret about His reply.

Matthew 15:12-14 Then the disciples came and said to him, “Do you know that the Pharisees were offended when they heard this saying?” He answered, “Every plant my heavenly Father has not planted will be rooted up. Let them alone; they are blind guides. And if the blind lead the blind, both fall into a pit” - ESV

As Jesus presented it in the picture above, it is evident that poor leadership over gullible people is a disastrous combination. I’m certainly not going to try to encourage the office of an inadequate leader to be praised or left to lead anyone astray…but I couldn’t help but wonder what the result would be if we were to see a picture of the blind leading the strong-sighted. Wouldn’t the blind one go into the pit, leaving the one with good eye sight on the road? Better yet, if a blind man was trying to lead someone with good eye sight and was heading for the ditch, if the seeing man CARED enough for the blind man, he could even steer him away from the ditch and back onto the road!

The Bible tells us about plenty of different leaders in a lot of different situations. God doesn’t want us to pick up our Bibles, open up to the gospels, look at only Christ’s perfection and close the book. No. Documented in scripture, on top of the perfect example of Jesus Christ, are many illustrations of imperfect ordinary men and women, for better or for worse, put in a position of leadership. As I think of a few, I want to shake my head and wrinkle my nose...or maybe laugh...or maybe both. We all thought King Saul was looking pretty great in the beginning, but boy did he turn out to be a lemon. David was this great king that did so much in the name of the Lord and was a man with such a deep personal relationship with God, yet he made some gigantic mistakes. Look at Jonah! If the story would have ended right after he hopped onto the boat with his ticket to Tarshish in hand, we would have said “Whew! Good! It’s better that he went away so God could pick someone else to do the job, cause that guys is just plain WEEK.” The story didn’t end there though, did it? Jonah snapped out of it! He went back and was used so so mightily! If we’re looking for the perfect leader, we’ll be on an unending and disappointing hunt, because, aside from God and our Lord Jesus Christ, there are none. 

John 10:27 My sheep hear my voice, and I know them, and they follow me. – ESV

The idea Jesus gave of having “blind leaders” in our midst drives one to be defensive and critical of the people around us in any sort of authority, but I want to focus again on the possibility of being the “strong-sighted” follower. Jesus, himself, says that we hear Him, know Him, and follow Him. There is a definite need for our reliance to be on Christ as our leader because, as mentioned, he is the only perfect one. I want to be the one to stay on the road. SO...in preparation for those pulling me by the hand without 20/20 vision, I propose that we’d better get our eyes checked and our eyes fixed on the almighty optometrist so we can avoid that ditch!

Saddle Up.  Years ago, I had many opportunities to go trail riding with country friends. A day on the trail meant a day on my beautiful bay horse, Jericho. He was a horse clad in a leather bridle the colour of honey and a saddle that carried homemade denim saddle bags. My outfit was a pair of Wrangler jeans from the thrift store, a long sleeve button-up shirt, Roper boots and my brown outback hat. It was a wonderful time of chatting with fellow riders and enjoying the beauty of the nature around us.

My reflecting on those trail rides isn’t just serving the purpose of recalling good memories or promoting recreational activity...there’s a system there that relates to my point...and here we go...

 You see, when you’re on the trail, there’s always a lead horse. This horse goes before the rest, riding from point A to point B. The rider on that horse is usually experienced, probably part of the planning and organizing for our day on the trail, and familiar with the area. If there are any needs or questions while on the trail, they usually go to him. When you have an experienced horse under you, you’ll find that he will stay in his line very nicely. Mostly the horses stay single file, and (on occasion) doubled-up side by side if the trail is wide enough. Those horses know how to follow the leader. Now, sometimes you may have a horse veer off of the trail because of inexperience (he just didn’t know that the idea was to follow his buddy in front of him), or mischief (he’s just that horse that’s always GOT to be different than everyone), or competition (he’s determined to pass others and attempts to get ahead at every opportunity), or fear (maybe he just got a little spooked at something in the bush or he’s followed ornery horses and been kicked in the chest before and now he’s scared of getting too close).

The parallel that I like between this picture and that of leadership in the circles of our churches, is that we too, are designed to follow Christ – the head rider. That puts us in a position of leading those who are behind us and following those riding in front. I love that! It’s not always simply God leading us directly, it can also be him using others in between to show us the direction to go....but without seeing where God is leading, we cannot determine whether our leaders are on the trail or not. If the horse in front of us goes off course – perhaps because if inexperience, mischief, competition fear or otherwise – it is our awareness and our knowledge and our reaction that will determine if we will stay on the trail or follow the horse in front of us off course. Those who hear Christ and know His voice will follow his lead, no matter what is going on in front of them.

Usually there’s a big welcome for one and all to join a trail ride. You’ll see everyone from the veteran cowboy to the first-timer child and everyone else in between. If we paint a scenario of a horse and rider going off and out of line in front of a wee pony with a little new rider upon his back, we may see the pony follow the horse in front into the bush and perhaps pick up speed in an aimless direction, compelling the child to squeal and scream and pray for that horse to STOP AND LET HIM OFF! But, see the scene, instead, with the old cowboy riding his trusty steed behind the horse that went off track, and you’ll see him quickly move his hands into position to manoeuvre his steed back in line before the horse’s nose hardly has a chance to get a stride out of procession.

It’s a matter of focus – stay close to our Lord Jesus! Don’t be a child who allows himself to wander or get out of control. Be the wise one! Know where you’re headed and what you’re doing! I just have to recall those words again:

“...Let them alone; they are blind guides. And if the blind lead the blind, both fall into a pit”

Leaders in front of you seem like their veering off? Let them alone! Maybe they’ll wander far off of the way. Take comfort! - Only those who do not continue to hear, know and follow, Christ will be lead astray by them. I want to be counted among “church-goers” that ARE on the path. I want to be counted among the sheep who DO know my shepherd. I want to embrace the place God has set for me in among my family riding ON the trail.

The closeness I have with my Saviour will omit my fear of being led astray.

Mommy 139

...a clip from my Becoming Mom blog:

Church Cliques Rule: time for change

Clique: (klēk,klik )

n.      a small group of people, with shared interests or other features in common, who spend time together and do not readily allow others to join them.

                I feel like the definition above needs the word “Church” before it. How ever much we preach evangelism and are all happy when someone new starts coming to church, their experience is almost always somewhat different than we assume. No matter how big our Bible study grows or how great the worship team sounds, there are lonely people among us.

Benjamin L Corey from pathos.com writes: “ issues that led me to walk away from church as twenty-year-old, and still tempt me to walk out again some days– even though I’m not 20 anymore...When people can’t find community, can’t plug-in or access meaningful relationships, they split in hopes they’ll find it somewhere else...Social climbing is simply how I would describe the phenomena where people have to acquire a certain amount of “social credit” with the people of influence before they can serve and be included. As a result, the popular folks at church amass followers, and power. Such a system requires you to play the “game” with people of influence if you want to be a fully included member of the group (leading to the formation of cliques).”

This is such a huge issue in the church today that needs to be broken. I don’t mean just bent in half, I mean smashed to pieces with lit fuel on top and an incinerator to put any left-over shards into!

For someone like myself, it’s easy to fall into this trap. I’ve always been a likable person and being a pastor’s daughter has always backed me with an instant upstanding (or at least educated) reputation in the church. Even after life finds me in a church with someone else as pastor, I have to admit to using that P.K. (Pastor’s Kid) “card” to my advantage when I feel like I need more weight to a word or deed. I’m constantly finding myself torn by putting myself into the social circus of church and then wanting to pull away because I’m starting to see the “circus” for what it is, a platform for pride a drama. It’s too easy to create a circle to chat in and forget about someone standing in the corner. And I’m not trying to kid myself into thinking these “platforms” are just built in churches, humans thrive on them in schools, workplaces and other groups – it seems second nature to us...sin nature.

Keeping within the biblical realm, we have to look at the example of the Pharisee: They were very religious, committed, and knowledgeable. These guys were no small group and no lights under a bushel (and I’m sure some of them were lights – setting a good example for those around them...but with much popularity comes power...and with power, much selfishness). They gained respect for looking humble...but of course there were many who were only displaying humility and commitment in order to be noticed and followed, thus omitting the whole purpose of humility. These guys are the PRIME example of what NOT TO BECOME for us avid church-goers! Is it not so obvious for us to keep reminding ourselves to be careful not to use our church status? It’s wonderful to be dedicated to teaching that Sunday School class, singing on the worship team and always being reliable for putting on that hot pot of coffee before service. It’s admirable to know your Bible inside and out and to be able to put together words in a beautiful, clear way to make a point during discussion.

Now you are the body of Christ, and each one of you is a part of it. And God has placed in the church first of all apostles, second prophets, third teachers, then miracles, then gifts of healing, of helping, of guidance, and of different kinds of tongues. – 1 Cor 12: 27&28

These are good things! We are not supposed to be so humble and modest that we put our gifts on a shelf to let them rot while we are satisfied that no one can accuse us of being prideful or showy. Using the gifts God has given us is part of our duty as part of the body of Christ and is commanded of us by God. It all boils down to a matter of keeping pride & motives in check.

A second biblical example that we can parallel is looking at the lessons that the disciples had to learn while they were around Jesus. Here was a group of guys who were doing good, learning, working hard and trying to live rightly...it would have been wonderful to spend their years with Christ in learning and hanging out and reveling in godliness on their own, but Jesus kept hanging out with outsiders! How easy it would have been to point out the flaws of the tax collectors and prostitutes, never mind the spiritual danger of being around them. What about their reputations? What about their valuable time? The following verse is so easy to read...but when I think about applying it, it scares me to death!

Do nothing from rivalry or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves – Phil 2:3

These words seem to have a ball of “sacrifice” and chain of “work” dragging behind it...but how beautiful would it be to master this mentality?

How does one be involved in the church >> making sure their involvement ISN’T creating an impenetrable group?

I see two groups forming in the church: the active (and unfortunately often the exclusive) & the inactive (or the outsiders) First of all, this is not a “What came first, the chicken or the egg?” scenario. It’s perfectly clear that in order for someone to find a place to fit and, in turn, use their gifts in the body of Christ, the Chicken has their duty first. Chicken(s) need to know that if they don’t start seeing eggs in the hen-house, quality life will only be short-term. Chicken(s) need to be responsible for making sure the eggs have a nest to stay secure and warm. Chicken(s) need to create opportunities for eggs to hatch and grow into nurturing chickens themselves. Too much poultry? If we were obeying God’s Word, we would be seeing nobody on the outside. Not all gifts are used publically, but church was not meant to have loneliness be a part of it. It is all about togetherness.

A few years back there was a new family that started to attend my church. I was 19. I saw a mother who would come to service wearing a shirt with one shoulder strap and a low back. I saw two children who would run in the halls and raise too much noise right before a service. I saw a father who didn’t have ambition for a job. I saw a couple of smokers and a family clad in thrift store specials. My parents (pastor and wife) invested many hours in this family. They had them over for meals often, visiting their home, drove them to church, bought them groceries, drove them to and from city appointments two hours away and dropped their plans to be there when crisis struck. One day my Dad sat talking with me and shared how he was so disappointed in the people of the church. Nobody had bothered to invest in this family. No other invites for meals and individuals expressed their hesitancy to help the family with their needs when the parents were smokers. I listened to my Dad describe the selfishness he saw in the congregation and at the same time he was describing me. After our conversation, I could see a mother who was wearing her best to try and fit in, children who enjoyed learning in Sunday School and playing with other kids, a father who had no vehicle and no opportunities for work outside of shoveling sidewalks nearby. After a while, the family slowly attended services less and less. When my parents moved they never came back.

It’s not just about old teaching the young or mature teaching immature - it’s about the family who came last week for the first time, the neighbour’s kids that need a ride, the divorced woman sitting alone in the pew in front of you. It’s not about having a following. A person has to be so careful not to be motivated by selfish ambition. Every move we make needs to be made in Christ. We need to be every prayerful about all we do, want to do, don’t want to do – big or small.

Investment/Overinvestment would be a long topic for another day...what is on my heart is creating opportunities to include others: Chat with that other mom after Bible study before she heads out the door. When there are a few standing in a tight circle, purposefully opening your corner when you notice someone standing aimlessly in your peripheral. This is not just for those who are newly in our community, I think we would be SHOCKED if we actually bothered to look around and see the people who feel like an outsider that have been part of our church for YEARS. Is there a teenager who loves children? Maybe there’s an opportunity for her to co-teach with a class. Is there a middle-aged lady with no obvious connection with those around her? Maybe a girls movie night (or afternoon) in your home is in order! Think about another couple you could invite over when “the gang” comes over.

I so desire to see the ruling walls of cliques crumble in our churches. We’d love others in the world so much better if only we could work on loving each other. I want those walls torn down in our homes, barbeques and coffee times. I pray that we would see the church thrive on the design of community and openness with each other – bonded with love and unity. This generation needs to get rid of loneliness. This generation needs Christ. Let church be a place to find both.

Facing My Fears in Today's Church - Part 2

Fear-Facing.

Fear carries an angle in which Satan would just love to sneak into the kitchens, foyers and sanctuaries of our churches. He would use this angle to creep into our homes, restaurants and any brotherly gathering from Monday to Saturday as well. Our fear is used as a distraction, keeping us focused on social agenda, keeping us easily offended at one another, keeping us ready to do doctrinal battle with each other.

God, on the other hand, tells us in His word that power, love and self-control are from Him. Imagine a group of believers with just those 3 items...they’re a recipe for perfection! They totally stomp out fear. I ask myself, “When I think about the people at church, do I say ‘I thank my God every time I remember you’...or ‘Their love has given me much joy and comfort’ ...or ‘I appeal to you on the basis of love?’” I can think of many times I have had very little if no self-control during a conversation with a brother or sister in Christ. How can I even expect to see power when my self-discipline and care for those around me are currently performing so low.

There is so much community built upon love in Christ and so much destroyed by fear and pride. Church wasn’t meant to be defined by our services or our constitution. It was meant to be defined by Christ living through His people 24/7, being His hands and His feet; not only toward the lost, but toward each other.

Idle Coffee.

 Bear one another’s burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ. Galatians 6:2 ESV

Something happily overlooked all too often, is the command to help each other out. We all have needs – physical, emotional, spiritual...etc. We have all gone through highs and lows and will likely always have that bumpy road to cruise on in this life. If we were designed to be “all good” on our own, God could have made a little island for each of us to make camp, however, God’s perfect design was not so.

You’re sitting across the two-seater table with your friend at the cafè down the street; you start to talk about life. As you sip your hot morning’s brew, you listen to her speak about her wonderful husband, children on the honour role and the topic of her daily devotional read. Isn’t this nice. You reciprocate by smiling and thinking of a few things going well in your life too so that you can return them in conversation. You want to keep this lovely mood that matches it’s partnered environment. Perhaps you chime in about the extra wait in traffic this morning and she might even admit that she burnt her dessert last night, but the topics otherwise consist of cordial pleasantries.

Is this picture depicting a strange resemblance to that of the church family life we see today? It is for me. Don’t picture only the four walls around the church sanctuary enclosing a large group singing a hymn, rather, think of the family you invited out for lunch after church, the elderly lady in the lodge that you visit because she’s too frail to attend services any longer, or the friend you talk to who attends the other church across town. Church family. We are commanded to carry their burdens! Are our services, our lunch dates, our visits filled just with simple and pleasant fluff?

Maybe your coffee date consists of bashing and trashing the person(s) not present. Maybe the friend across from you likes nothing more than to rag on and on about everything her husband did wrong this week or how her neighbour’s kids have been a terrible influence. Is this the image that comes to mind when we recall our social encounters with each other?

Scripture does not call us to grumble in order to temporarily alleviate some of our stresses. God doesn’t want us using our time on this earth tearing others down. We were meant to encourage and build one another up! We cannot ignore our burdens nor can we pretend that complaining is how you bear them. Idle chatter and/or gossip are both sins and are both not the answer.

What does bearing burdens look like?

When it’s time to share our burdens, it’s something personal or spiritually heavy on our hearts. Struggles in our lives that we battle in our mission to serve Christ, hardships we face in this life are tearing us down, something important on our minds that God is using to teach us.

The verb in this verse from Galatians 6 is “bear”.  

From the Greek bastazo: I carry, carry away, bear, to take up, endured

This “burden” is not just a weight. Figuratively the definition encompasses : what has value, : significance (from baros in the Greek).

We’re not only supposed to go out and sip a yummy cappuccino and confess our burnt pies while we know darn well that our hot water tank burst this morning and the basement is flooded. We aren’t supposed to sit there and nod while listening to our friend tell the tale of their neighbour’s burnt pie. We are supposed to share the heavy things in our lives that matter so that someone can help with the weighted load. We are to be an ear for the broken-hearted! Bearing the burden of another goes beyond the coffee shop and into their lives. It presents us with part of their load to carry and endure. This may not sound fun; it may sound allot like and investment with no promised return. This command is a command to the church, so that people like me don’t let selfishness take over and stop investing myself in those around me. If I pack the definition of church into the four walls of our building, we’re only going to be “church” on Sundays. It’s got to be lived out all week long.

The Strong Rope. When I first started thinking about my fears in today’s church, I looked at all the hurt and stress and thought to myself I want out. I know that God wants His people united, but I wanted a goal I could skip to, not have to press on towards.

 And though a man might prevail against one who is alone, two will withstand him – a threefold cord is not quickly broken.  Ecclesiastes 4:12  ESV

Among my foggy thoughts of discouragement, came a clear picture of what God desires. He want us helping one another, encouraging one another, listening to one another, reproving one another in love. Being together, giving glory to His name corporately. If we would receive God’s power, love and self-control, we would overcome any storm of politics or any tornado of disunity that heads our way. Our rough patches in life would be comforted and our praises would be shared and rejoiced over.

I don’t want to be the believer that mocks the power of the Spirit, ignores the ones around me or flies off the handle when things aren’t seen my way. I don’t want to be the fray in the rope my Lord designed to be strong.

Conclusion. There are many aspects of today’s church to look at and many viewpoints one could describe. There are struggles that will always return, scars that will never go away completely, and fear always trying to creep in. This short journey has taken me through the biggest issues affecting me in my place of worship and has helped me immensely - reading, studying, writing and working out the truths within my flurries of thoughts. Facing fears about church has been a bold move for me personally.

 For God has not given us a spirit of fear but of power and love and self-control. – 2 Timothy 1:7 ESV

Wise words. Words of promise. Words to claim! Words of truth – to believe!

People with fears in churches today are for real. There’s no denying it, it just is. In a dark and imperfect world, we are the light but imperfect as well. God’s word speaks to us about each other because He knew that we’d need some guidelines and helpful hints! Not only is our Christianity about our relationship with God, it’s about our relationship with each other as well – being that chord of 3 strands that is tough to brake.

God COULD zap away our fear...in fact, He could actually just zap us into robots that would just walk along the straight and narrow and it would be much less confusing...but my God doesn’t want a robot, He wants flesh and blood. He wants people with room for error so that when they recover from their mistakes there is a reason to throw a party!

This post is ending on the flip side of the note that it started on. As I typed out some of my struggles about church, I came to the conclusion that no matter what struggles we have or how imperfect we are, we are God’s people. Corporately “church” when two or three or more are gathered.

 Facing fears in today’s church = God’s people facing their fears with Him...together.

Facing My Fears in Today's Church - Part 1

Introduction. I grew up in a wonderful home. My parents were new believers when I came into this world and they set an enthusiastic example of parents creating a family beaming with love for Christ and buzzing with action that followed suit. Some of my earliest memories are things like dressing warm on a cold day to go door-to-door and deliver The Jesus Video with a group from church, my mother doing my makeup before our whole family went on stage to help with the Easter performance at the Jubilee auditorium in Edmonton, the whole family going to the church for kids club where my parents helped teach as my sister and I went with our appropriate age groups to learn. I remember having families and people from our church visit us in our home and us visiting them in their homes...and not on a Sunday! These fellow believers we saw at church became our close family friends we spent time with throughout the week too. In 1993, my Dad turned in his auto body business, hung up his coveralls and moved our family to Three Hills, Alberta to attend Bible school there. Five years later our family stepped into our very first mission church and started the “Pastor’s family” life.

When someone says “Pastor’s family”, I have two words to translate that: Fish. Bowl.

If there’s one thing the child of a pastor knows, it’s that everyone is watching. All sceptical eyes are on you in church and afterwards. There is no room for mistakes or ill behaviour, or that pink telephone sitting on top of the television box will let out a loud ring and the voice on the other end of the line will unleash devastation into your mother’s ear. I embraced my position as the goldfish and was generally a good child. I wouldn’t do this (in case someone was watching) and I wouldn’t wear that (in case someone didn’t approve) and I wouldn’t say it in that way (in case someone was easily offended).

Now, in reality, maybe I really shouldn’t do this or wear that or say it in that way, but my whole motivation for behaviour was entangled in a big messy fear for people-pleasing. Where were my thoughts of my Lord? My moral judgment was based on the scary faces that stared at me instead of my motives staring at the face of the Omniscient Judge. This has led to a life-struggle with my own motivation. There is no pleasing God in pleasing others, there is only pleasing God in pleasing Him, that other’s may see it.

Afraid to not please. Why is it that we as humans have this fear of not pleasing people? Or maybe even a fear of not making other’s think we’re the greatest?

Fear (noun) : an unpleasant emotion caused by being aware of danger : a feeling of being afraid : a feeling of respect and wonder for something very powerful (verb): to be afraid of : to expect worry about : to be afraid and worried

Fear synonyms: alarm, anxiety, dread, fearfulness, fright, horror, panic, scare, terror, trepidation, bother, worry, fret, fuss, stew, stress, sweat, trouble

Take a look at these definitions of fear. Anything words stand out? Try a few in the blank space below:

_________________________ in today’s church.

Not very fitting is it?

This is a fear with warn and etched corners that have done their share of digging into my peace and trust and my motivation. This is a fear that comes from not knowing what people will think or how they will react. This insecurity that sees us glance at the faces around us when we open our mouths in order to search for approval in their eyes and in their gestures. An ongoing strain to think of some witty word or educated answer to win over any face not offering the signal we were hoping for. This fear overtakes us as we stand in a circle of women after church, when an answer is asked for at Bible study or when we are pressed into a conversation in a grocery store aisle with an all-put-together someone who usually rubs us the wrong way. Some of us are great pretenders. We develop a knack for keeping conversation going, leaving no room for any retaliating words that may contain rebuttal. We learn to stand tall when our insides are shrinking. We master the carefree smile we need to wear to hide the huge weight inside that carries the troubles of our imperfect life. Others, however, may turn to criticism of everyone and everything around them, resourcing them as a step to stand on to look like they’re a head above the rest. Some turn to inward criticism that they dramatize for all to take notice in hopes that other’s will look on them with more pity than judgement. Some turn to inward criticism and don’t let anyone notice, leaving themselves as bate for the grizzly bear of depression. Despite the popularity of these strategies, none of these sound like any good  way to deal with the problem.

What is the right response when we find ourselves afraid? What reaction does Christ expect when this ugly facet of fear comes slicing through our day like the point of a perfectly-aimed dart by the evil one?

Gal 6:4 Let everyone be sure to do his very best, for then he will have the personal satisfaction of work done well and won’t need to compare himself with someone else. LB

Striving to do good without comparing ourselves to others is a toughie. Some of us will take the rout of looking at all of the wonderfully talented and smart people around us and crawl back into our hole of timid idleness, accomplishing nothing for ourselves or for God. Fear beats us down and makes us forget that we are Christ’s. We are children of the living God with God-given abilities that are far beyond our own.

 Others stuck with this fear will take the opportunity for a little self-boasting and decide to climb up on their high-horse, because in their eyes they’ve won the comparison and are ready to elevate THEMSELVES, and in Jesus’ name no less! A portion of these will be able to hide their fearfulness even from themselves with the chronic arrogance they carry, whereas the other portion are made up of fear-driven pretenders with fear driving them only to masquerade as qualified.
This comment struck a chord as I read it: “...It is very common for a man to look upon himself as wiser and better than other men, and as fit to dictate to them. Such a one deceives himself; by pretending to what he has not, he puts a cheat upon himself, and sooner or later will find the sad effects. This will never gain esteem, either with God or men.” (Matthew Henry's Concise Commentary)

Fear can drive us to pretend. Pretending to be an awesome, smart, talented Christian gets us nowhere.

Gal 1:10 For am I now seeking the approval of man, or of God? Or am I trying to please man? If I were still trying to please man, I would not be a servant of Christ – ESV

The word “please” here comes from the Greek word aresko, meaning : I please, with the idea of willing service rendered to others; hence almost : I serve. (Strong's Concordance)

This word gives the air of winning someone’s favour in meeting THEIR expectations (especially in moral standards).

The same word is used again in Thessalonians

1 Thess 2:4 But just as we have been approved by God to be entrusted with the gospel, so we speak, not to please man, but to please God who tests our hearts - ESV

The number one thing we need to get straight in our heads right now is that we are supposed to be pleasing our heavenly Father; not the people we pass on the street, not the pastor of our church, not the ladies organizing the potluck, not the parents of our Sunday School students. If our fear is driving us to try to make it on our peer’s moral level, we’ve got to cut off our objectives that strive to meet their expectations. Examine our motives! Dig way down into the truest part of our souls and ask ourselves who we really bother to give our service to. Service is great, don’t get me wrong...God wants us to have servant attitudes and actions...but (capital B-U-T!) He wants us to serve HIM and glorify HIS name. Maybe you are exactly where you’re supposed to be serving; you just need a focus adjustment to get God as your prime focus. On the other hand, perhaps as too many of us are, you have been so busy giving your services to please others in all of the wrong places that you’ve been ignoring the spot the Lord has been patiently waiting for you to come to all along.

In 1 Timothy Paul writes a beautiful letter to a young man. A letter to uphold him, encourage him, advise and instruct him. We read in chapter four Paul’s call for Timothy to be an example; a model for others to see. He is not called to please others, but to be a figure that is God-pleasing.

 1 Tim 4:12 Don’t let anyone look down on you because you are young, but set an example for the believers in speech, in conduct, in love, in faith, and in purity - NIV

There is no denying that we are watched. I am not arguing that we have no reason to take note when we walk into a room full of brothers and sisters, sad as it is, that feel they have the right to analyze and judge the amount of goodness we are wearing. The point is, we SHOULD be putting on our robes of speech purged of evil, righteous conduct, unending love, unwavering faith, and genuine purity...but we should be wearing them for our King. There is no one else worth dressing in our best for.

Let’s try this one:

(Holy) Fear (noun     : a feeling of respect and wonder for something very powerful

 : reverence

...in today’s church.

It makes a perfectly fit replacement, doesn’t it?