Facing My Fears in Today's Church - Part 1

Introduction. I grew up in a wonderful home. My parents were new believers when I came into this world and they set an enthusiastic example of parents creating a family beaming with love for Christ and buzzing with action that followed suit. Some of my earliest memories are things like dressing warm on a cold day to go door-to-door and deliver The Jesus Video with a group from church, my mother doing my makeup before our whole family went on stage to help with the Easter performance at the Jubilee auditorium in Edmonton, the whole family going to the church for kids club where my parents helped teach as my sister and I went with our appropriate age groups to learn. I remember having families and people from our church visit us in our home and us visiting them in their homes...and not on a Sunday! These fellow believers we saw at church became our close family friends we spent time with throughout the week too. In 1993, my Dad turned in his auto body business, hung up his coveralls and moved our family to Three Hills, Alberta to attend Bible school there. Five years later our family stepped into our very first mission church and started the “Pastor’s family” life.

When someone says “Pastor’s family”, I have two words to translate that: Fish. Bowl.

If there’s one thing the child of a pastor knows, it’s that everyone is watching. All sceptical eyes are on you in church and afterwards. There is no room for mistakes or ill behaviour, or that pink telephone sitting on top of the television box will let out a loud ring and the voice on the other end of the line will unleash devastation into your mother’s ear. I embraced my position as the goldfish and was generally a good child. I wouldn’t do this (in case someone was watching) and I wouldn’t wear that (in case someone didn’t approve) and I wouldn’t say it in that way (in case someone was easily offended).

Now, in reality, maybe I really shouldn’t do this or wear that or say it in that way, but my whole motivation for behaviour was entangled in a big messy fear for people-pleasing. Where were my thoughts of my Lord? My moral judgment was based on the scary faces that stared at me instead of my motives staring at the face of the Omniscient Judge. This has led to a life-struggle with my own motivation. There is no pleasing God in pleasing others, there is only pleasing God in pleasing Him, that other’s may see it.

Afraid to not please. Why is it that we as humans have this fear of not pleasing people? Or maybe even a fear of not making other’s think we’re the greatest?

Fear (noun) : an unpleasant emotion caused by being aware of danger : a feeling of being afraid : a feeling of respect and wonder for something very powerful (verb): to be afraid of : to expect worry about : to be afraid and worried

Fear synonyms: alarm, anxiety, dread, fearfulness, fright, horror, panic, scare, terror, trepidation, bother, worry, fret, fuss, stew, stress, sweat, trouble

Take a look at these definitions of fear. Anything words stand out? Try a few in the blank space below:

_________________________ in today’s church.

Not very fitting is it?

This is a fear with warn and etched corners that have done their share of digging into my peace and trust and my motivation. This is a fear that comes from not knowing what people will think or how they will react. This insecurity that sees us glance at the faces around us when we open our mouths in order to search for approval in their eyes and in their gestures. An ongoing strain to think of some witty word or educated answer to win over any face not offering the signal we were hoping for. This fear overtakes us as we stand in a circle of women after church, when an answer is asked for at Bible study or when we are pressed into a conversation in a grocery store aisle with an all-put-together someone who usually rubs us the wrong way. Some of us are great pretenders. We develop a knack for keeping conversation going, leaving no room for any retaliating words that may contain rebuttal. We learn to stand tall when our insides are shrinking. We master the carefree smile we need to wear to hide the huge weight inside that carries the troubles of our imperfect life. Others, however, may turn to criticism of everyone and everything around them, resourcing them as a step to stand on to look like they’re a head above the rest. Some turn to inward criticism that they dramatize for all to take notice in hopes that other’s will look on them with more pity than judgement. Some turn to inward criticism and don’t let anyone notice, leaving themselves as bate for the grizzly bear of depression. Despite the popularity of these strategies, none of these sound like any good  way to deal with the problem.

What is the right response when we find ourselves afraid? What reaction does Christ expect when this ugly facet of fear comes slicing through our day like the point of a perfectly-aimed dart by the evil one?

Gal 6:4 Let everyone be sure to do his very best, for then he will have the personal satisfaction of work done well and won’t need to compare himself with someone else. LB

Striving to do good without comparing ourselves to others is a toughie. Some of us will take the rout of looking at all of the wonderfully talented and smart people around us and crawl back into our hole of timid idleness, accomplishing nothing for ourselves or for God. Fear beats us down and makes us forget that we are Christ’s. We are children of the living God with God-given abilities that are far beyond our own.

 Others stuck with this fear will take the opportunity for a little self-boasting and decide to climb up on their high-horse, because in their eyes they’ve won the comparison and are ready to elevate THEMSELVES, and in Jesus’ name no less! A portion of these will be able to hide their fearfulness even from themselves with the chronic arrogance they carry, whereas the other portion are made up of fear-driven pretenders with fear driving them only to masquerade as qualified.
This comment struck a chord as I read it: “...It is very common for a man to look upon himself as wiser and better than other men, and as fit to dictate to them. Such a one deceives himself; by pretending to what he has not, he puts a cheat upon himself, and sooner or later will find the sad effects. This will never gain esteem, either with God or men.” (Matthew Henry's Concise Commentary)

Fear can drive us to pretend. Pretending to be an awesome, smart, talented Christian gets us nowhere.

Gal 1:10 For am I now seeking the approval of man, or of God? Or am I trying to please man? If I were still trying to please man, I would not be a servant of Christ – ESV

The word “please” here comes from the Greek word aresko, meaning : I please, with the idea of willing service rendered to others; hence almost : I serve. (Strong's Concordance)

This word gives the air of winning someone’s favour in meeting THEIR expectations (especially in moral standards).

The same word is used again in Thessalonians

1 Thess 2:4 But just as we have been approved by God to be entrusted with the gospel, so we speak, not to please man, but to please God who tests our hearts - ESV

The number one thing we need to get straight in our heads right now is that we are supposed to be pleasing our heavenly Father; not the people we pass on the street, not the pastor of our church, not the ladies organizing the potluck, not the parents of our Sunday School students. If our fear is driving us to try to make it on our peer’s moral level, we’ve got to cut off our objectives that strive to meet their expectations. Examine our motives! Dig way down into the truest part of our souls and ask ourselves who we really bother to give our service to. Service is great, don’t get me wrong...God wants us to have servant attitudes and actions...but (capital B-U-T!) He wants us to serve HIM and glorify HIS name. Maybe you are exactly where you’re supposed to be serving; you just need a focus adjustment to get God as your prime focus. On the other hand, perhaps as too many of us are, you have been so busy giving your services to please others in all of the wrong places that you’ve been ignoring the spot the Lord has been patiently waiting for you to come to all along.

In 1 Timothy Paul writes a beautiful letter to a young man. A letter to uphold him, encourage him, advise and instruct him. We read in chapter four Paul’s call for Timothy to be an example; a model for others to see. He is not called to please others, but to be a figure that is God-pleasing.

 1 Tim 4:12 Don’t let anyone look down on you because you are young, but set an example for the believers in speech, in conduct, in love, in faith, and in purity - NIV

There is no denying that we are watched. I am not arguing that we have no reason to take note when we walk into a room full of brothers and sisters, sad as it is, that feel they have the right to analyze and judge the amount of goodness we are wearing. The point is, we SHOULD be putting on our robes of speech purged of evil, righteous conduct, unending love, unwavering faith, and genuine purity...but we should be wearing them for our King. There is no one else worth dressing in our best for.

Let’s try this one:

(Holy) Fear (noun     : a feeling of respect and wonder for something very powerful

 : reverence

...in today’s church.

It makes a perfectly fit replacement, doesn’t it?